blue pearl

the loneliest drum
is my heart
still keeping time
as it sinks into the water,
winding through the dark
to find the felt
that beats
at the end of the pendulum.
no one else
in the dark liquid
but if there were
i would show them
the blue pearl
that i held through the night.

no one has given to me
like i give.
no one has held
so very tight
to my lip.
to love in a way
that makes ash of the morning.
to build like a temple
made of something all new.
a stone that i find in my sleep,
that i reshaped with my hands
to become perfect as you,
perfect as you
except that you can’t
ever give back
what i give to you.


the seam of an egg
when broken
is only a jagged map
back to something whole,
the silhouette of a mountain
in quiet porcelain.
the place where the coffee
stained the counter,
a scratch in the floorboards,
the permanent trails
we leave behind us
in places we forget.
put me back together
and there will always be
a shadow
over my shoulder,
there will always be
a low instrument
playing deep notes.
i used to live there.
someone i kissed.
the night i folded in half
because you forgot
how to love me.
and the only one
who said anything
was a clock upon the wall.
i don’t remember
the sound that i make
when i lose you
but when i kiss you
i hope that i keep forgetting.


one of the things
about love
is how it reveals monsters to me
in my own temples
and chest,
with slow heavy legs,
i have become a drum
against the floorboards.

but i decide and speak gently,
there is a timing to the return
like a ball flying over a net,
the when of the kiss
and the sibilance of the yes.

there was a giving in,
the top of the lighthouse,
when my fierce fist
became soft against the rail
and lifted right off,
there was the night where
i let you hold me
like i was hardly there at all,
some piece of clothing
that had caught up in your sheets.
some feather moving in your breath.
a whole being
dissolved in your glass.

frequencies unheard because we are sleeping.

i have grown toward you.
the stems are curved like this.
all of my careful
and carelessness.
the song in the shower
and the world on a map.

i will let you
if you will let me.